“Pay no attention to toxic words. What people say is often a reflection of themselves, not you.” – Christian Baloga
How do you define “toxic people?
We certainly cannot go around labeling people as toxic or non-toxic people.
WebMD defines toxic people as, “A toxic person is anyone whose behavior adds negativity and upset to your life.”
From personal life experiences, I have come to interpret a toxic person as someone who does not respect you being in their life.
They are not happy no matter what you do. Everything you do is still not enough for that person.
You drain your energy when you are dealing with that toxic person.
Even though you may not have had a physical fight with them, your whole body feels as you exercised for hours. You feel pain in your entire body!
Their attitude towards you affects your emotional well-being
You have this constant up and down of emotional and mental state.
If your day is not going well with that “toxic person,” then your mood is affected and, in turn, your productivity.
You are unable to focus on yourself. You are unable to focus on your life!!
The people we hang around may be the most beautiful in the world, but they are not matching our energy.
They don’t see the world from our point of view.
Except for our parents, siblings, and relatives, if these people are in our life, then we are to be blamed. Not them!
Once we figure out someone is toxic in our life, it is our responsibility to distance ourselves from them (if we cannot remove ourselves entirely from their lives).
Why do we keep associating with these people? It isn’t as if we will receive a medal for “Tolerating Toxic People!”
Investing your energy into toxic people will only drain your energy.
Sometimes we become so consumed with maintaining a relationship or a friendship that we lose track of our goals and dreams.
We lose our identity in the pursuit of keeping other people happy.
Only a few of us in this world dare to cut such people off and chase after a dream.
Once we dream, we must have the courage to go after that dream.
Like other successful people who lived before us, even our dream will cost us something.
What does that cost?
First, decide what your life’s purpose is. What do you want from life?
Second, cut off toxic people who don’t serve our purpose and do not have the same vision in life.
We keep wasting our time focusing on them, whereas we should focus on ourselves first.
Toxic People Doubt You
Toxic people doubt you. This is true about our loved ones. Our loved ones think in our best interest to a certain extent, but they look at you from their point of view.
They only know what they learned growing up. Our loved ones adopted the beliefs which they accepted growing up.
And now they project their beliefs onto you.
We must have the courage to confront our loved ones.
We sometimes must face our loved ones (not in a derogatory way) and ask them to stop judging us and our dreams.
When somebody cannot do something, they will be the first to voice their opinion.
They will tell you you cannot do something because they lack the courage to rise above the average and persist towards their dream.
They will call you crazy because you are the odd one out. When everybody else is partying and socializing, you might be investing your time in improving your skills.
I have had people tell me that something is wrong with me preferring to be alone most of the time.
They sure have tried to convince me that I need “friends” in my life.
We do not need friends (plural). We just need one or two genuine people in our life who are ready to walk with us shoulder to shoulder and encourage us to live our life to the fullest.
If you already have lots of friends, how will you know they are real?
One time Les Brown said in his lecture, “Make a list of all of your friends and start making a call. Call them and tell them there is a significant event in your life, and it will mean a lot if they come. If someone makes an excuse and says, they cannot, then cross their name off the list and move on to the next one.”
People who genuinely care about you will not manipulate you. They will not doubt you or your abilities. If anything, they will be willing to offer you help.
Toxic People Are Envious of You
It sounds a little harsh to say people around you are jealous of you, but jealous people wish worse upon you.
Envious people wish they had what you have but not wish worse upon you.
We do not have a choice when choosing our parents or siblings. But we had a choice choosing our friends.
If you already know such people who are jealous of you, do yourself a favor and walk away from them.
You do not need to confront them. Just walk away in silence. There is a power in silence.
You can say a lot without saying a word. Remember, actions speak louder than words.
You just need to keep your eye on your goal and keep on succeeding. Let them be jealous.
Now let’s talk about envious people.
Nobody wants to be a failure in life. It is just their limiting beliefs that hold them back.
But whatever the reason that we don’t know, they never pursued their dreams.
However, when you decide to pursue your dream, they notice you succeed, which makes them envy.
They not only want to have what you have materialistic, but they wish they had the self-confidence, courage, and determination like you.
Little do these people know that we are fighting our demons inside of us.
It took us the courage to take that first step. Not only take the first step but keep persisting towards our goals day in and day out even when we did not see any success on the horizon.
For example, when people see a famous athlete, they think, “He is lucky!” No, he is not lucky!
Some of them may, but most of them put in the hours every day to be where they are.
Top athletes worldwide like Tiger Woods, John Cena, Viral Kohli, and many were not born athletes.
These athletes knew what they wanted from life and went after it.
It takes self-discipline and persistence to make our dream a reality.
Toxic People Need Your Company to Feel Good
Like attracts like. Therefore, some relationships with two different values fail. Some difference in opinion is okay, but if two people’s values are polar opposite in the relationship, the connection will fail unless they meet in the middle.
The dynamic is a little different with friends. Our friends need our company. They need someone with whom they can relate.
This is the reason when you decide to be, do, and have something different for your life; they oppose that.
Misery loves company. Just because you have a revelation in life does not mean they do as well.
Just because you want to be better in life does not mean they want to.
Before, if you and your friends lived in misery together, and now you decide you want to be happy, then there is a conflict.
People you hung around with loved your company because you were like them.
When you were with them, it gave them the confirmation of their reality.
If they were lazy and lame and you hung out with them, it proves that being lazy and lame in life is okay.
Unless you decide to change your reality, the toxic people will keep holding onto you because they do not want to be miserable alone.
They need your company.
Conclusion
The life we desire is within our reach. It is a matter of how we set our priorities. It is a matter of how we spend hours in a day.
Time is a commodity. If you lose it, then you cannot gain it back.
We need to be diligent about with whom we spend most of our time. Are these people in our life to make us better?
Or are these people toxic?
Toxic people are in our life just for that – being toxic!
They will kill your dreams if you permit them.
Decide now what matters the most in your life.
In the long run, the investment in ourselves will pay off.
